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| Jinlin as a young ballerina |
So although I brought many gifts from Finland to her mother has well, I was not surprised in the end that I did not meet her. What come, though, as a deep surprise was that Jinlin did not meet her mother either.
It turned out that her mother had not been in the town when Jinlin arrived from Shanghai at the end of her term on 21.1. and she was not in the town when I arrived. Jinlin told that her mother was on a work trip in Zhengzhou. She was supposed to come back to Xinxiang "soon" but she never did. Towards the end of my trip Jinlin told that her mother would return to Xinxiang only 8.2, two days before the Chinese new year. That would be five days after me leaving back to Helsinki and three days after Jinlin leaving from Xinxiang to Anhui to spend the new year with her father. Jinlins parents divorced when she was very young and during the Chinese New Years when families are supposed to unite for celebration this seems to create both emotional tension and practical difficulties.
Work trips can be important, but I remain deeply surprised that Jinlins mother was not present in her home-town to see her daughter. Jinlin had been living with her mother for her whole life before moving to Shanghai for the university last September. When I was travelling with Jinlin in Yunnan last summer for three weeks, her mother called her every day and Jinlin told me that her mother "misses her a lot". But now when Jinlin had been living away her mother for five months and returning to her mothers home town for two weeks, her mother was nowhere to be seen. And not only that: Jinlin did not even have a key to her mothers apartment - to Jinlins own past home - and could not get in there for the whole time. This sounds so weird I can't avoid the thought that there is still some misunderstanding on my part, that I have not understood the complete picture.
So where did Jinlin stay? On the first days of my visit Jinlin told me that she is currently staying with her Jie jie (姐姐). Literally this means "older sister" but the relative in question is not really her sister (Jinlins only actual sister is a half-sister in Anhui from her fathers later marriage). I could not quite deduce their actual relationship, but I think most probably she was Jinlins aunt or cousin. (The Chinese terminology describing various family relationships is notoriously complex: for example there are 6 separate words for cousin and 10 different words for aunt depending on whether the cousin/aunt in question is from mothers or fathers side, older or younger than the mother/father, married to the family or blood-relative, etc.) Her Jie Jie has her family living at Anhui but works at Xinxiang 500 km away from here family.
Jinlin told that she respects her Jie Jie and is grateful for the fact that Jie Jie takes care of her and lets her stay with her. Jinlin is a good girl and does not want to cause Jie Jie any worry. Now it turned out that this Jie Jie unfortunately worries quite easily about Jinlin. Jinlin wrote me:
On Thursday she replied but she was still too ill to meet me. I did go for a walk despite the pollution but mostly it was another day at hotel-room.
It turned out that her mother had not been in the town when Jinlin arrived from Shanghai at the end of her term on 21.1. and she was not in the town when I arrived. Jinlin told that her mother was on a work trip in Zhengzhou. She was supposed to come back to Xinxiang "soon" but she never did. Towards the end of my trip Jinlin told that her mother would return to Xinxiang only 8.2, two days before the Chinese new year. That would be five days after me leaving back to Helsinki and three days after Jinlin leaving from Xinxiang to Anhui to spend the new year with her father. Jinlins parents divorced when she was very young and during the Chinese New Years when families are supposed to unite for celebration this seems to create both emotional tension and practical difficulties.
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| Jinlins mother. Not a very high quality picture, but the only one I have. |
Work trips can be important, but I remain deeply surprised that Jinlins mother was not present in her home-town to see her daughter. Jinlin had been living with her mother for her whole life before moving to Shanghai for the university last September. When I was travelling with Jinlin in Yunnan last summer for three weeks, her mother called her every day and Jinlin told me that her mother "misses her a lot". But now when Jinlin had been living away her mother for five months and returning to her mothers home town for two weeks, her mother was nowhere to be seen. And not only that: Jinlin did not even have a key to her mothers apartment - to Jinlins own past home - and could not get in there for the whole time. This sounds so weird I can't avoid the thought that there is still some misunderstanding on my part, that I have not understood the complete picture.
So where did Jinlin stay? On the first days of my visit Jinlin told me that she is currently staying with her Jie jie (姐姐). Literally this means "older sister" but the relative in question is not really her sister (Jinlins only actual sister is a half-sister in Anhui from her fathers later marriage). I could not quite deduce their actual relationship, but I think most probably she was Jinlins aunt or cousin. (The Chinese terminology describing various family relationships is notoriously complex: for example there are 6 separate words for cousin and 10 different words for aunt depending on whether the cousin/aunt in question is from mothers or fathers side, older or younger than the mother/father, married to the family or blood-relative, etc.) Her Jie Jie has her family living at Anhui but works at Xinxiang 500 km away from here family.
Enter the lonely blues
Jinlin told that she respects her Jie Jie and is grateful for the fact that Jie Jie takes care of her and lets her stay with her. Jinlin is a good girl and does not want to cause Jie Jie any worry. Now it turned out that this Jie Jie unfortunately worries quite easily about Jinlin. Jinlin wrote me:
"我 不能 留 在 酒店 我 必须 在 姐姐 家. 我 不 回 姐姐 家 她 很 担心 我. 我 和 她 说 过 但是 她 说 会 担心 因为 我 在 她 眼睛 里 是 孩"
"I cannot stay (late) in the hotel, I must go to my aunts home. If I do not return to her home, she will be very worried about me. I have been discussing with her, but she says she will be worried because in her eyes I am still just a child."
I guess the Jie Jie has not been told about me and Jinlin travelling three weeks together in Yunnan past summer. Well, I'm cool with that, I respect Jinlins respect for her Jie Jie and her worries. I did miss the warm close feeling of falling asleep and waking up together with her in the same bed. But during daytime from for the five days from Friday to Tuesday we had good time together in and out of the hotel.
On Wednesday Jinlin sent me message that she has flu and headache, worsened by the the very difficult air pollution situation, and needs to rest for the day. What a shame. I asked if she would like to come to the hotel with a taxi to rest with me. No, she wouldn't. I guess the Jie Jie would worry about that. I asked if she would give her address so I could come with taxi to quickly visit her at her Jie Jie apartment. No, apparently that was not a good idea because of reasons related to the Jie Jie that did not become quite clear to me. The language there was difficult but I think the reasons involved the expression "she is complicated" and "her work is bad". Whatever those mean.
So I spent Wednesday mostly alone in the hotel-room. I sent her occasionally messages but got no replies.
On Thursday she replied but she was still too ill to meet me. I did go for a walk despite the pollution but mostly it was another day at hotel-room.
On Friday she has promised to come to see me and she did, for few hours, despite of having still bad headache. And on Saturday it was time for me to return to Zhengzhou airport with some definite shades of blues mixing in my mind with the good memories.
Now I am back in Finland, back to work, focusing to enjoy all the good stuff in my life here and hoping for a better future with Jinlin on "some sunny day" when we will have time and possibilities to be more together.
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