I am a little. Would you mind?

Today, Wednesday 30th January 2013, has some symbolical significance for our relationship. Today me and Jinlin have spent exactly 14 382 and 7 191 days respectively on earth outside our mother's wombs. 7 191 is exactly half of 14 382 so my age today is exactly twice of hers. For the first 1.5 years of our relationship I have been more than twice her age and after today my age will be less than double of hers. It's an arbitrary checkpoint suitable for a nerd like me to calculate, but in a culture interested in age, ageing, age difference and celebration of birthdays it does carry some interest.

So we have so-called "significant age difference". The cliché today goes that persons ages in a relationship is just numbers and does not matter. In principle I do agree. When Jinlin initially contacted me in the net we were both unsure whether the other one would mind about the age difference. In our first exchanged messages the topic was quickly discussed. Jinlin wrote in clumsily but cutely translated English:

I'm pleased do meet you. I am a little. Would you mind? Although I am young, psychological maturity.

(Chinese 小 , Xiǎo, has both meaning of little and young and translation programs frequently pick blindly the first meaning). No, I did not mind, although I must say was genuinely surprised of being contacted by so young woman. Later I expressed my own worry:

I am 38 years. I hope you don't think I am too old :-(

Not. I love you! This is the most important. I 18 you feel me? I really want to be with you. 

Cultural acceptance

Jinlin in Xinxian Zoo

Wikipedia has article on age disparity in relationships with summary:

Age disparity in sexual relationships refers to sexual relations between people with a significant difference in age. Whether these relationships are accepted and the question of what counts as a significant difference in age has varied over time and varies over cultures, different legal systems, and different ethical systems. It often depends on differing attitudes towards perceived social and economic differences between age groups and how consent is viewed, and sometimes whether or not the relationship is part of a spiritual or legal marriage.

In the 1800's and first part of 1900's it was very common in Finland and China alike for men to first develop their studies and career quite far before marrying. Women did not have corresponding social requirement and the average age difference for couples was correspondingly high. For example my grandfathers grandfather, Carl Gottfrid Brotherus (born in 1836), married Milette Malm (born 1857) when he already had PhD and was settled on a career as teacher and they went on to have seven children together.

Around the mid 1900's acceptance of wide age difference was in decline, partly because the rising trends of gender equality and feminism were in some interpretations identifying age difference as sign of a weak and/or un-emancipated woman.  This was exemplified by the appearance in the 1950's of the half-your-age-plus-seven-rule that considered dating of person younger than your age plus seven as socially unacceptable. The encouragement for symmetrical behaviour, image and career development for the genders was especially strong in socialism that emphasized collective over individual and standard solutions over custom choice.

President Niinistö and Jenni Haukio

It seems to me that in the last two decades on our modern time, acceptance of large age difference in the west has grown once again. In political field we have seen the Finnish prime minister Paavo Lipponen relationship with Päivi Herzberg (26 years age difference) and president Sauli Niinistö relationship with Jenni Haukio (29 years age difference) and Germany ex-Chancellor Helmut Kohl relationship with Maike Richter (34 years age difference). Even better known cases are Hollywood celebrities with 20+ age difference: Kevin Costner & Christine Baumgartner, Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart, Bruce Willis & Emma Willis, Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas. Such cases seem to raise today almost negligible criticism from any group in the society today and even women's magazines have been portraying these relationships in positive light.

Perhaps the age of emancipation has matured to a degree that in the spirit of liberalism individual personal choice is trusted and respected in most cases. Still the battle between liberal acceptance and conservative fears and disapproval is far from over as was seen from reactions to Henna Hakko sexually liberal blog writing on 2012 and the subsequent negative reactions that Tommi Paalanen well describes. Many derogatory words still exist for large age difference and/or inter-cultural relationships (see my earlier "Sugar-daddies, Trophy wives and whores") but their use is rather limited. I see a correlation here between acceptance of homosexual relationships: although many derogatory terms remain for homosexuals, the idea of old homosexual men being "predators" of young men and "luring" them to homosexual behavior has been fading in the mainstream culture and replaced by increasing liberal acceptance.

I do not think that the apparent present trend for re-emerging frequency and acceptance of larger age gap represents step backward to 1800's. Women remain emancipated and indeed this is best demonstrated by the fact that of the couples with large age gap many are today such where the man is younger than the man. My ex-wife and the mother of my boys is 8 years older than me and our marriage did not fail to the age difference. While it is more common for the man to be the older partner and some studies suggest biological and psychological reasons for this, the increasing number of opposite pairs nicely demonstrate the breath of individual differences in our increasingly liberal age.

Practical joys and sorrows

Internet search for "suitable age difference in relationship" brings up several discussions on the topic, but whereas lots of opinions are given in terms of absolute or relative numbers of years, the arguments given for the opinions are either not given at all or seem rather light. One of the common arguments given is that some people will laugh at you or "look at you weirdly" if you have much older/younger partner. Well, in some cases this might be true but it is also circular reasoning: age gap is not acceptable because people will not look at you weirdly and people will look at you weirdly because they do not find the age gap acceptable.

So finding from internet some true and valid issues that couples with age gap are faced with can be difficult. I list in the following some practical matters than some people have been describing as potential issues and my comments as they apply to our case.

"You might have difficult to have conversation about many things because you belong to a different generation". In the case on Jinlin and me, the cultural gap and language gap definitely create larger separations to our thoughts and ways of thinking than our age gap, so if different in patterns of thought or frame of mind would make conversation difficult, we would have no conversation at all. But we have and have had a lot, to great extent because of curiosity and willingness to learn about each others worlds. But more importantly, why could not people of different generations have meaningful conversations? In fact the possibly different experiences and opinions of "generations" can be very fruitful for conversations. I used to have great conversations about life, universe and everything with my dear grand-father.

Karaoke last night

"You might have difficult to find something you like to do together because of different likes and dislikes." In this case, I think we just happen to be lucky with Jinlin - or perhaps I'm just weird in a suitable way ;-) We share many likes such as photography, animals, children, travel, culture, history, art, China, Finland, pop-music, Karaoke, surfing the web, chatting online, smartphones, 3D First-person shooter games... In fact in the latter internet / computer / technology related areas the age gap might in fact bring us more closer together in our interests: As a male and a proud nerd I have been early adopter and enthusiast in all things computer, gaming and social networking. Only in Jinlins generation have these techno-things really exploded to the everyday life of every young male and female. A 39-year old Chinese woman would hardly share these interests with me, nor would have a 19-year old Chinese woman 20 years ago. But now were are talking the same techno-speak.

"You might be too different in your levels of maturity, responsibility and courage in life." Here I feel that Jinlin has been living true to her early statement of "Although I am young, psychological maturity". The Confucian principles of unselfishness, respect for others, courage and determination have been shining in her words and actions. Perhaps it is her upbringing, but she has also had hardships and tears in her life like myself. On the other hand, I have always wanted and felt natural to cherish the "inner child" in me who "does not want to grow old" - my past summers Prometheus-campers gave me nickname "Peter Pan" which I was very delighted of. I want and am able to laugh, act silly and enjoy the company of wide variety of people from old to young.

"You might be at too different stages of your careers."  I have stable and well-developed career in software development and Jinlin is a student. It has unfortunately proved difficult to find ways to bring us live together sooner rather than later. But here again I feel it has been more due to language-related issues than age or career level. An older Chinese woman might have advanced more on her career, but that might mean also more specialization and that might make finding suitable job from Finland more difficult, not less. Jinlin still has had the flexibility of fine-tuning her studies and career-choices in ways that are more suitable for moving to Finland.

"You might have too different thoughts about family / children." I have two boys from my past marriage. Jinlin loves them and they have often asked me when can Jinlin come to Finland to meet them. I used to say to my friends about the fact that I have kids that it makes me more flexible in my future relationships: I don't any more have need to necessarily have more children but I may have them if my spouse wants. So this made me "compatible" both with women that have / don't have / want / don't want children.

So, the circle closes and about age differences I can conclude like my friend with long-term Chinese wife concluded about cultural differences: "I believe that culture is a factor, but it is the individuals in the end that are crucial. It is question about mutual will to understand each other and each others circumstances." To that I only need to add: "And love"

Air Pollution

Before this trip I was wondering a bit what kind of outdoor activities we could do with Jinlin. Jinlins hometown Xinxiang is by Chinese standards a "boring" city with very limited historical or modern outdoors sightseeing possibilities and the time of the year is not particularly good for nature. Yesterday Jinlin took me to the "only nice place to see" (according to her description): the Xinxiang Zoo. That was nice and I'll post some pictures later. 

Well, now it seems that our problem of finding nice outdoor activities has been at least temporarily removed by another problem: air pollution. The current weather conditions (cold stagnant air) combined with the heavy industry and traffic in this area has lead to heavy levels "Smog": the combination of fog and lung-damaging particulate matter that used to plague California but nowadays China. Air pollution real-time monitoring system gives current "air pollution index" of Zhengzhou-Xinxiang area to be 291, which means "Heavily Polluted" and falling just short of the 300 "Severely polluted" line. In the past 24 hours the index has reached 412 at maximum:

The "Severely polluted" (300+) level is described as "Healthy people will experience reduced endurance in activities. There may be strong irritations and symptoms and may trigger other illnesses. Elders and the sick should remain indoors and avoid exercise. Healthy individuals should avoid outdoor activities."   Here is a picture I took today outside of our hotel:

Many people wear breathing masks on streets here nowadays, though I am not sure how well simple masks filter away the fine particulate matter. I do not envy the many people who work at streets selling food and other stuff from early morning to late night - often elderly people who might have other health problems already.

Well, it's still better than Beijing at the moment where the air pollution index goes over the top of the 500-point scale:

Jinlin said that now that we have seen the nice locations and there is heavy air pollution, we can just cuddle in the hotel room watching movies. That's very fine for me, but I will still get her some evening to some more Karaoke duet singing as well :-)

Some recent articles about air pollution in China:

• Return of the Killer Smog.
• Beijingers call for clean air act.

It's a long way to Xinxiang

I knew it would be a long journey to Xinxiang this time around but it proved to be even bit more cumbersome than I expected. 

Although the direct distance from Helsinki to Xinxiang is shorter than Helsinki to Shanghai, the connection is significantly more difficult. Whereas my December trip to see Jinlin in Shanghai required just one direct flight from Helsinki, this time around I had to take a route with two stopovers. After much attempts for planning and re-planning the trip, I was in the end so late buying air tickets that single stopover solution of Finnair flight via Beijing to Zhengzhou was not any more available. I had to take a joint KLM - China Southern Airlines solution with stopovers at Amsterdam and Beijing before Zhengzhou. The schedule involved departure from Helsinki at 6 pm on Thursday evening and arrival at Zhengzhou at 6.50 pm on Friday. With the six hour time difference taken into account, this means 20+ hours at airplanes and airports. Luckily I like sitting in airplanes more than the average person, especially when in today's long-distance planes electricity is usually available for my laptop and other lovely gadgets.

Zhengzhou train ticket sales hall at night

Even with those flights done, Zhengzhou is still not Xinxiang but about 100 km away from that. It is good there is a direct bus shuttle from Zhengzhou airport to Xinxian, without need to go through Zhengzhou city center. I was planning for the 7.30 pm shuttle bus. Too bad my Beijing - Zhengzhou flight left Beijing one hour late and arrived to Zhengzhou when that bus had already left. Too bad it was the last bus of the kind for that evening. 

So I had to turn to the plan B which was to take bus to Zhengzhou center, taxi to railway station and travel with train the remaining distance. Jinlin had been strongly advising against this plan: she had told me that the trains are very crowded and difficult in China and especially difficult this time of the year, around Chinese New Year, when 100+ million people are returning to their families for celebration together. In fact on several years several long-distance trains have been so crowded that people cannot go to toilet on their long journeys resulting in sky-rocketing sales of adult diapers for the travellers! 

Noodle soup for the tired traveller

Jinlin had instead been advising to take hotel near the airport and take the shuttle bus on Saturday morning. I did keep this a my plan C in case the train option would not work out. But I am not afraid and actually often enjoy "weird" cultural experiences even if they involve huge crowds and challenging situations late in the evening. Furthermore I had already reserved a hotel for the evening from Xinxiang and did not enjoy idea of the hassle of canceling that reservation, finding a new one from nearby and pushing back my time of arrival to my destination with another day. The train should take one hour so with necessary precautions need for a diaper should be minimal as well ;-)

So after successfully speaking Chinese to the bus ticket personnel, getting a bus ride to Zhengzhou center and talking more Chinese with a nice taxi driver, I arrived at Zhengzhou railway station at 9.30 pm. Attempt to get in to the station, being stopped by a guard and having some more Chinese exchange with him, I learned that a valid ticket is needed in order to enter the train station and that tickets are sold in another location. Luckily that location was not very far away, so after some walking with my bags, queuing in huge crowded ticket sales hall and more Chinese discussion with the ticket selling staff I had a valid ticket in my hand for the 22.45 pm train to Xinxian: the last train for the day and only one having any places left. So that left me still nicely with some time to enjoy huge bowl of delicious noodle-soup, greatly appreciated as my first meal after breakfast in the Amsterdam - Beijing plane long time ago.

One of Zhengzhou railway station waiting halls

The crowds at the Zhengzhou railway station were indeed immense despite the later hour and the fact that only ticket holders were let in. There were six immense waiting halls full of people. One had to go the the correct hall according to the train number and the personnel let people from the halls to the platforms only when their train had arrived to the station and their tickets had been once more inspected. Getting to the fully packed train with all places now sold out and all people having large bags was indeed quite chaotic. But once the dust settled the time spent in the crowded train was not that bad and I even got to have some chat with my fellow passengers about the cold climate of Finland.

Xinxiang around midnight

So in the end I got to my planned hotel around midnight and have been today able to spend nice time with Jinlin. I am still quite exhausted from the travel and jet-lag, so in the afternoon I went for a long nap and she returned to stay with her cousins family in the suburbs. Apparently her mother is currently on a work-trip in Zhengzhou, Jinlin is staying with her cousin and she still had some CAD-design homework from the university. 

Now I've been awake for few more hours and just returned from an evening meal from the street where I bought some sweet rice-porridge from a small restaurant and apples from an old lady on the street (very happy about me speaking Chinese :-)

Trip to Xinxiang is on... and off... and on again!

Already before my December 2012 trip to China Jinlin suggested that I could visit her in Henan in February 2013. Her term in the university ends before the Chinese New Year and she returns to home for the holiday. Chinese New Year, which is based on the ancient Chinese moon-calendar, is celebrated this year from 10th February to 12th February. Originally Jinlin made the suggestion to replace my December trip with this one, because she was not going to have much free time in December. As you know, I went in December anyway and it was good, but since I still had some vacation days remaining after that trip, I continued the discussion about returning around the chinese new year. On 2012-12-12:

Robert:  How much holiday will you have in February next year? 你下年二月有几 天 空 ? (Nǐ  Xià  Nián  Èr  Yuè  Yǒu  Jǐ  Tiān  Kòng  ?)

Jinlin: I do not know yet. I will calculate.  ( 我 现在 还 不 知道 我 会 计算 )

Robert:  Okay. I want to know what time I can come to Zhengzhou. ( Shì de  .  Wǒ  Yào  Zhī dào  Wǒ  Shén me  Shí hou  Kě yǐ  Lái  Zhèng zhōu )

Well, days passed and our chats were rare and short. I tried to get the planning moving again on 2012-12-17:

Robert: Do you now know what time I could arrive to Zhengzhou? I need to buy ticket to the airplane. ( Nǐ  Xiàn zài  Zhī dào  Wǒ  Shén me  Shí jiān  Kě yǐ  Lái  Zhèng zhōu  Ma  ? Wǒ  Yào  Mǎi  Fēi jī  Piào )

Jinlin: Oh, I do not yet know. ( 哦 不 我 现在 还 不 知道 )

Robert: Okay. You should tell me soon. ( Hǎo ba  .  Nǐ  Bù jiǔ  Kě yǐ  Gào su  Wǒ )

Next days had more occasional chats but nothing about the enigmatic February visit. Next attempt during our nice and long Christmas chat on 2012-12-22:

Robert: You could tell me what time I can come to Zhengzhou. I need to buy airplane ticket now ( Nǐ  Kě yǐ  Gào su  Wǒ  Shén me  Shí hou  Wǒ  Néng  Lái  Zhèng zhōu )

Jinlin: You can come after the Chinese New Year ( 你 可以 在 春节 以后 )

Robert: Okay. Can I come 1st of February?

Jinlin: No, you can't. In the Chinese New Year there is tradition of all family coming together. Before that the whole country is very busy. I will need to determine if I will be the new year this year in Anhui or Henan ( 不 可以 ，在 春节 的 习俗 ，中国 的 春节 都 会 和 家人 一起. 在 哪 之前 我们 都会 很 忙碌) 

Robert: Okay. But you should soon tell me when I can come.

I was growing worried and impatient. I like to plan things in good time. And regardless of my planning preferences I know that airplane tickets for such trip might not be available for very short notice. The planning was proceeding in much the same way as the planning for my December-trip did: not much at all. So after few more days of no discussion on the travel I was getting more direct 2012-12-26:

Jinlin: I have been buying flight ticket to return home ( 我的 前 买 了 回家 的 飞机 票 )

Robert: You must tell me when I can come to visit you after Chinese new year. I have asked many times and you have not given me answer. I am not happy with that. Please tell me when and where I can come and how long I can stay with you.  I must buy a ticket very soon in order to come to China in February.

No reply to this from Jinlin for many days. In fact no replies to any of my small-talk messages in the following days. Then she told me of her serious stress and insomnia. In the following days I was trying to be very kind and soft in my further inquiries about possible travel times. On 2012-12-31:

Robert: Can I come after 10th February to Zhengzhou? :-)

Jinlin: You can come after the Chinese New Year

Robert: Isn't the Chinese New year on 10th February? And it ends on 12th February? So could I come then on 13th February? How many days could we then be together? When should I return home? I am sorry to bother you with these questions. But in order to buy flight tickets I must know exact date to arrive and leave.

Jinlin: You can come after the Chinese New Year. You must leave after three days. That is quite short time. I also worry about you because there are so many people travelling here at Chinese New Year.

Robert: I also think three days is very short time. Perhaps I don't come then. Perhaps I should only later come to Shanghai. I want to be able to stay in China at least one week when I come because the distance is so long.

Well, what a shame. It does not make sense to travel to China for three days regardless of how much I want. Too long distance and hassle for too few days. What a pitiful end to such long attempts and plans to travel there around the new years time. I was quite upset.


Then on 2013-01-03 we had a very nice and happy video-chat after a very long break in those. During that she told that she will return home on 21th January. For few days I was pondering about that and my Chinese friend suggestion of being more assertive in and planning my trips. So on 2013-01-08 I asked her the obvious questions:

Robert: You wrote that you return home 21.1. Why do you say I can only come after Chinese new year? Chinese new year is 10.2. Why can't I come to Xinxiang 21.1? You are staying home for many weeks. Why do you say I can only come to see you for three days?

Jinlin:  I will be at home 21th January. You can arrive 24th January. You should return to Finland after one week because there will be so many people around in China the Chinese New Year. Hotels will not have space and travel will be difficult. ( 我 是 1 月 21 号 到 家 ， 你 可以 再 1 月 24 号 到达 中国.  一个 星期 回 芬兰 因为 在 中国 的 新 年 到处 都 是 人. 没有 多余 的 酒店. 出行 很 不 方便 ) 

Robert:  I am not afraid of trouble or having many people. But I do understand it can be difficult to get flight tickets and hotel now because it is already late. Next time when we are planning my travel to China we must do it long before the travel. I will check from the internet if flight and hotel are possible now.

What a nice rescue in the "eleventh hour"! :-) I don't know why in the end it was okay for her that I come already before the Chinese New Year. I don't care: I have now bought flight ticket for Thursday 24th January, reserved hotel from Xinxiang, submitted Visa-application to the embassy, packed some nice gifts to my suitcase and waiting to see my lovely girlfriend very soon.

Finnish-Chinese couples everywhere

My son Ilkka with Daniel

I have recently found a measure of hope and encouraging examples in several other Finnish-Chinese couples that have successfully overcome the problems of distance and time. In a recent board-gaming weekend my boys were playing with Daniel, a boy of similar age with some distinctly eastern features. It turned our that Daniels father is married to Chinese woman whom he met in Chengsha when studying and working there around year 2000. Now they have been successfully living in Finland for several years.

Another couple I met through my weekly Chinese lessons at Helsinki adult education center. This couple met in Finland in Jyväskylä University where the Chinese woman had been coming for an exchange year in her studies. Their time of challenge was when the woman had to return to China for 1.5 more years to finish her university there. But they lived through it and eventually rejoined and married in Finland. Now the husband is studying more Chinese at the education center. They were both present in the education center Christmas dinner and it was nice to chat with the lady about their story and comparisons to Jinlin. I did notice that I have progressed further in my Chinese language learning than the husband has, but then again in their case the woman spoke quite good English to start with so the need to learn was not so urgent.

Third interesting couple I met at Kalle Mikkolas new-year party in Espoo. Timo and her girlfriend from Guangdong in southern China had met each other already nine years ago. They were a very lively and interesting couple and we had long discussions about character of Chinese people, Chinese culture and Chinese history. She was very happy about my effort in learning Chinese language and gave me lots of nice advice on Chinese woman mentality and how to deal with the occasional "difficult topics" in the discussions with Jinlin.

In particular the Guangdong lady was suggesting more assertive stance on arranging travel and other practicalities: instead of asking Jinlin when it would be suitable for me to come (and not getting clear responses), she suggested me just to choose dates and inform Jinlin that I'm coming then. If those dates are absolutely unsuitable for her, then she will tell me more suitable ones. I guess I should try that, after all my previous visit in December ended up to be decided in almost such a way although more because of my misunderstanding rather than intentional assertiveness. And our agreement on my next trip time has for too long now been "after the Chinese new year" without any specific date or duration despite my occasional inquiries.

New Year, New Sorrow, New Hope

The new year unfortunately does not seem to bring help to Jinlins tough pressures at her tough school. From her recent writings I have learned some new Chinese words and phrases that I perhaps hoped not to ever hear, such as:

压力 很 大 ( Yā lì  Hěn  Dà ): High pressure  

严重 失眠 ( Yán zhòng  Shī mián ): Serious imsomnia 

焦虑 ( Jiāo lǜ ): Anxiety

窒息 的 感觉 ( Zhì xí  De  Gǎn jué ): Feel like choking 

安眠药 ( Ān mián yào ): Sleeping pills

You get the point. Not the kind of stuff you learn in basic language course. I try of course to support her in the ways I can but the distance makes it occasionally difficult. Especially when she has high mental barrier to chat when feeling bad:

我 很 难 打开 心 去 说 我的 内心 事情
Wǒ  Hěn  Nán  Dǎ kāi  Xīn  Qù  Shuō  Wǒ de  Nèi xīn  Shì qíng，
It is very difficult for me to open my heart and speak of my hearts matters 

 我 也 不 知道 为什么
Wǒ  Yě  Bù  Zhī dào  Wèi shé me
Even I do not know why

I can understand that from my own past experience but it still leads to difficult situation. I have told her that I have in my own past experienced stress and anxiety and that she should not be afraid to talk with me any time she feels bad or alone.

Where Love is, Hope is

Video chat with Jinlin 3.1.2013

I do not claim to have full understanding of all the things that bring hardship to Jinlins life at the moment. The pressure of performing well at the university is surely the biggest cause, but I think other things compound to that. I told her:

I hope you do not feel any pressure about me visiting you in China. I do not want to cause you any pressure. So please tell me if you do not want me to come ( Wǒ  Xī wàng  Nǐ  Méi yǒu  Yā lì  Wǒ  Lái  Zhōng guó. Wǒ  Bù  Yào  Wǒ  Gěi  Nǐ  Yìng lì. Suǒ yǐ  Nǐ  Kě yǐ  Gào su  Wǒ  Rú guǒ  Nǐ  Bù  Yào  Wǒ  Lái  )

I was happy to hear:

I understand. Do not worry, you don't cause pressure. ( 我 明白 。别 担心 你 不 是 压力 )

I hope she can grow more open to discuss with me things wide and deep like I think we did in the beginning and like I think is essential for good long-term development of any relationship.

I am happy that the good moments are still good moments despite being separated by hardship, anxiety and days of sad silence. Although she has issues and I have issues and our relationship has practical issues, it seems to me that on emotional level our relationship remains surprisingly pure and issue-free. When we can talk, we are happy and smile and laugh together. In a video chat on 3.1. many good words were written and spoken:

I am very happy you care about me (我 很 开心 你 关心 我)
Thank you for helping me in my times of poverty and hardhip (谢谢 你 在 我 很 落魄 的 时候 帮助 我)
You know my heart is very fragile (你 知道 在 我的 内心 很 脆弱)

I know. I am worried because I love you (我 知道 . 我 担心 因为 我 喜欢 你)
I hope your mother also understands how fragile you are now (我 希望 你的 妈妈 也 明白 你 脆弱)

I know you love me (我 知道 你 爱 我 )，
I love you much (我 很 爱 你)
I will take the time to open my heart to you (我 会 抽时间 告诉 你 我的 内心)