It's so nice she likes my boys!

Me and Ilkka chatting with Jinlin

Ah, Jinlin has her internet connection finally working again! We are back to our cozy video chats - what a nice and happy relief from weeks of forced low-bandwidth communication! She is living in a student dormitory with five other girls, so there can be quite much noise and chatter to be heard in the background. But in the evening she can sit on her bed with a curtain drawn around it to form a nice little "tent" for some measure of privacy.

Last Wednesday evening and now again on Friday we had the possibility to revive another nice and warm habit: my son Ilkka having a funny chat with Jinlin. Ilkka is 9-year old humorous and sporty boy. He has just started English classes in his school, but he has learned quite much already beforehand from computer games and from his 12-year old brother Arttu. Arttu and Ilkka spend with me every second weekend, Wednesday evenings and few weeks in the summer.

The funny pics extravaganza

While my boys are not yet quite able to carry out directly a meaningful English conversation with Jinlin, I can occasionally translate between them. But the more funny and unexpected way of communication is via emoticons: Jinlin and Ilkka have quite spontaneously developed a habit of sending each other great volleys of emoticons and similar funny small pictures. They laugh at each others creative combination of funny and naughty pics available at QQ messenger and compete who can get the best reaction from the other :-) It's great fun to watch them and laugh together with them (example screenshot from their exchange below)

From my past experience I am very aware that one should not take for granted that new spouse gets along, accepts or is accepted by ones children from previous relationships. So it's been a great relief and joy that both Jinlin and my boys have had only positive things to say from each other. She likes children in general and starting from her first reaction in our first "falling in love chat" her attitude has been very positive:

2011-10-08. Robert: I have two boys, Arttu and Ilkka, age 12 and 8. They are sweet. I have divorced already some years ago 

Jinlin: I love children! I don't mind 

My boys are equally generally accepting towards almost all adults, spouses or companions. Of course Jinlin was still concerned in the beginning about my boys acceptance of her:

2011-10-21 Robert: Ilkka is here with me. My boys are here for the weekend
Jinlin: What he thinks of me?
Robert: I can ask later what they think of you :-)
They do not know much about you yet
They just know I am writing letters with a nice Chinese woman :-)
They find it amusing that dad has a Chinese girlfriend :-)
Jinlin: I see. They are very cute. He is very handsome. Like you
Robert: He likes to play with me :-)
Jinlin: He is very lively.
Robert: Yes, he is! He likes sports and climbing to trees!
Jinlin: He loves you
Robert:  I think so :-) I love my boys as well :-)
Robert: Arttu is more interested in reading and writing and science
Jinlin: That will be fine. Can cultivate his interest

Jinlin chatting from her bed "tent"

At some point in the past when we were able to chat more frequently my boys were even talking enthusiastically about Jinlin to their mother (my ex-wife). This has prompted their mother to develop positive attitude for Jinlin and declaration that she is happy for us and happy on the prospect of Jinlin moving to Finland to live with me. Quite a feat of constructive attitude there! This, combined with my other ex-wife having even higher level of praise towards Jinlin and encouragement for my relationship with her has at times resulted in almost surreal opposite to the stereotypical negative attitudes that ex-spouses are supposed to have towards current spouses (according to web discussion forums anyway).

Fathers lost and gained

My father died when I was seven years old. Jinlin 'lost' her father in divorce when she was four years old:

2011-10-17. Unfortunately, I was very small when my father left me. He and I go far from each other, I wasn't close to him. For many years I even do not call him daddy. But in fact, my heart is the love for my dad. But when I met him I could not express my feelings. My half-sister and I were alike, but I did not take a photo. I regret that.

With these losses of fathers, we both appreciate my good relationship with my boys and she understands the need for me to stay geographically close to my boys at least until they are adults. So although in principle we could solve our getting-to-live-together problem by me getting a job from Shanghai, we both understand that because of my boys the only acceptable way currently is for her to move to Finland.

As the planned date of Jinlins moving to Finland, or even visiting here, has been pushed further to the future, by boys have been also sharing some minor part of the disappointment. But children are luckily quick to adapt and forget, so when the planned Finland trip was first moved from September to November and then dropped completely in favor of me planning to go to Shanghai instead, the boys have been understanding.

Of course, we have also plans, though currently seemingly distant ones, for our own kids:

2011-10-10 Jinlin: You and me: mixed-race children 
Robert: Yes! they are cute 

2011-11-12 Robert: That was Arttu
Jinlin: Your lovely son
Robert: Yes, they are both lovely in their own ways :-) Arttu likes to make imaginary stories and fantasy worlds.
Jinlin: Very good, has the very good imagination.
Robert: When we have baby together in the future, I will be good father and you will be good mother and we will be happy together! :-)
Jinlin: Yes. I hope our child same color eyes as you have, because I love your eyes.
Robert: I hope have same color as you! :-)
Jinlin: Yes. Ha-ha, why?
Robert: Because I love your dark eyes! But because you like my eye color I am happy with that for our children as well :-)